Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Single and Childless FTW

I feel like ranting.

I've been feeling really bad lately about my single and childless status. Only for my parents. I am perfectly comfortable single, and with no need whatsoever to have kids now or ever. But I think this is sorta upsetting my parents. My cousin just had a baby. It's all my family can talk about. The look they have in their eyes and the happiness when she's around is something I've never seen in my family. My mom just itches to go see the baby. I feel bad that I'll never be able to give that to her. Let's even step back from babies and even talk marriage. I don't want to get married. You couldn't pay me to walk down an aisle in an overpriced dress in front of hundreds of people who are judging me. You couldn't pay me to commit to one guy for the rest of my life. Frankly, you couldn't even pay me to date. Some people just prefer their own company. The thought of someone always being there is fucking annoying. Don't touch my stuff, don't touch me, and leave me alone. Stop asking me how I feel all the time. Stop wanting to do things for me. LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't need to be your 'there for you' person until you find something better and move along. Cause let me tell you, I will find something better and move along. This is what happens when you are a robot like me. So, back to my parents, I feel bad that I am not a normal human being. I wish I was. I'm not.

I don't want this to turn into a stupid, shitty, typical blog post from some angsty sounding teenager. I'm not that. I'm 29 and I know what I want. I just feel bad that i'll be letting down my parents by not being what they wanted me to be. Isn't it crazy that as a grown woman I can still let family affect me like this? I could've just as well wrote this post when I was 17 or something.

Anyways. Just thoughts for the world to read. Take it or leave it.

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